When Marriage Feels Like a Struggle

In my practice, I’m seeing more couples reaching out for help. Their stories are diverse: some feel their partner has become emotionally distant, others struggle with trust, infidelity, or even substance use. Many describe their relationship as having shifted from passionate partnership to something more like roommates—or even strangers under the same roof. Sometimes, the only thing holding them together is shared parenting, and even that can become a source of conflict.

What’s often missed is that these struggles rarely stem from a single event or flaw. Instead, they’re the result of negative cycles—one partner pursues, the other withdraws; the more one pushes, the more the other pulls away. Over time, these patterns become entrenched, quietly eroding emotional connection and leaving both partners feeling isolated and misunderstood.

I have experienced a failed marriage myself. This journey has given me a deeper appreciation for the importance of connection, understanding, and the willingness to work on a relationship together. In fact, many excellent couples therapists have gone through divorce. Far from being a weakness, it can be a source of empathy and insight. Having walked through the pain and complexity of marital breakdown, I am better able to relate to my clients’ struggles and help them navigate the pitfalls that can quietly undermine a relationship.

Many couples believe their main issue is “communication.” But therapy reveals a deeper truth: it’s not just about talking, but about truly listening—with empathy, presence, and vulnerability. It’s about understanding each other’s emotional worlds: the triggers, the histories, the unmet needs. In therapy, we learn to co-regulate in moments of distress, honor emotions rather than suppress them, and rebuild trust through small, consistent acts of care.

Here’s what I’ve learned: Maintaining a loving, respectful relationship is hard work. Most problems don’t arise from incompatibility, but from how we respond to each other under stress and in moments of pain.

If you recognize yourself in any of these questions:

• Do you feel emotionally distant from your partner?

• Are small disagreements turning into major arguments?

• Do you feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood?

You are not alone. And you don’t have to navigate this alone.